Watch Cooking Channel

The Five Best Candies to Get on Halloween

Paul F. Tompkins

5) SMARTIES. These tiny discs of concentrated sugar contain enough tartness to serve as a perfect palate cleanser between your milk-chocolate-and-caramel courses.

4) BUTTERFINGER. Whatever the substance in this bar is that bonds like Gorilla Glue to your teeth makes this hearty treat last way, way longer than any other chocolate bar. You are done with it before it’s done with you. ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Clark Bar.

3) MILKY WAY MIDNIGHT. The candy bar that brought grown-up elegance to Hallowe’en. The hint of dark chocolate sophistication practically forces you to extend your pinky whilst gorging.

2) CANDY CORN. Not because it’s good. Because it’s not. What is this, the Great Depression? Why are we eating this brightly colored Appalachian wax? I’ll tell you why: because if you knew no pain, you’d never know joy. You eat candy corn because it’s there, and you can’t stop yourself. It’s still, thanks in large part to its name, TECHNICALLY candy. But when you eat some of the top-shelf stuff after a handful of these sad shapes, you appreciate the effort made by huge, faceless corporations.

1) REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. For my money, the undisputed King of All Hallow’s Eve. Not the two-disc sleeve, not the miniatures in gold foil (the sweet-to-savory ratio is WAY off on those), I speak of the individual cups. And the packaging is ORANGE. Intelligent design? A case could be made!

PAUL F. TOMPKINS new comedy album LABORING UNDER DELUSIONS: LIVE IN BROOKLYN is now available on ASPECIALTHING RECORDS.  Recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn and over 90 minutes in length, Tompkins’ powerhouse set includes a looser, expanded version of the outstanding material showcased by Tompkins in his Comedy Central special “Laboring Under Delusions.”

Get the album
on AST: http://astrecords.bigcartel.com/product/laboring-under-delusions-live-in-brooklyn
And on iTunes: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=569217481

More Paul F. Tompkins:
http://www.paulftompkins.com

Twitter: @PFTompkins

Tags:

Comments (1719)

  1. enchant him system posted 04/08/2014

    Title…

    [...]the time to study or go to the subject material or web sites we’ve linked to below the[...]…

  2. how to increase testosterone posted 04/09/2014

    Title…

    [...]very handful of web-sites that take place to become in depth beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly effectively worth checking out[...]…

  3. striped bass charters posted 04/09/2014

    Title…

    [...]always a huge fan of linking to bloggers that I enjoy but do not get quite a bit of link really like from[...]…

  4. bluefin tuna charters posted 04/09/2014

    Title…

    [...]that would be the finish of this article. Here you’ll come across some internet sites that we feel you will value, just click the hyperlinks over[...]…

  5. Title…

    [...]please pay a visit to the internet sites we comply with, which includes this a single, as it represents our picks through the web[...]…

  6. diet pills that work for women posted 04/11/2014

    Title…

    [...]always a significant fan of linking to bloggers that I like but don’t get a good deal of link like from[...]…

  7. Frank Hanserd posted 04/11/2014

    Title…

    [...]here are some hyperlinks to sites that we link to due to the fact we feel they may be worth visiting[...]…

  8. Niseko Moiwa Ski Resort posted 04/11/2014

    Title…

    [...]below you’ll discover the link to some web-sites that we assume you’ll want to visit[...]…

  9. messenger posted 04/12/2014

    messenger…

  10. jeff schwartz avalon malibu posted 04/13/2014

    Title…

    [...]always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I love but don’t get quite a bit of link love from[...]…

  11. pieces detachees auto posted 04/13/2014

    Title…

    [...]please pay a visit to the web sites we stick to, which includes this a single, as it represents our picks from the web[...]…

  12. DNA Wealth Blueprint scam posted 04/14/2014

    Title…

    [...]very handful of web-sites that happen to be comprehensive beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly nicely really worth checking out[...]…

  13. gry bilard online posted 04/15/2014

    Title…

    [...]usually posts some incredibly fascinating stuff like this. If you’re new to this site[...]…

  14. mlm leads posted 04/16/2014

    Title…

    [...]Sites of interest we’ve a link to[...]…

  15. scott sohr lawsuit posted 04/19/2014

    scott sohr lawsuit…

    [...]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a couple of unrelated data, nonetheless genuinely really worth taking a look, whoa did one discover about Mid East has got much more problerms also [...]…

  16. Celebrity Wallpapers posted 04/20/2014

    Title…

    [...]very handful of internet websites that take place to be in depth beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly well really worth checking out[...]…

  17. caramel posted 04/21/2014

    caramel…

    [...]check beneath, are some completely unrelated websites to ours, having said that, they may be most trustworthy sources that we use[...]…

  18. cheapest auto insurance quotes posted 04/22/2014

    Title…

    [...]please stop by the websites we stick to, which includes this a single, because it represents our picks in the web[...]…

  19. Title…

    [...]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a few unrelated information, nonetheless really really worth taking a appear, whoa did one particular study about Mid East has got far more problerms at the same time [...]…

  20. 39 Dollar Glasses Coupon Code posted 04/22/2014

    Title…

    [...]very handful of internet websites that transpire to become comprehensive beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly effectively worth checking out[...]…

  21. youtube unblocker posted 04/22/2014

    youtube unblocker…

    [...]Every after inside a although we opt for blogs that we read. Listed beneath would be the most up-to-date websites that we pick [...]…

  22. Title…

    [...]we came across a cool web site which you could love. Take a search in case you want[...]…

  23. where to get garcinia cambogia posted 04/23/2014

    Title…

    [...]check below, are some totally unrelated internet sites to ours, having said that, they may be most trustworthy sources that we use[...]…

  24. kedamaian bale…

    theater megtortent dinafara abominable hart silakan mandriva….

  25. Title…

    [...]Sites of interest we’ve a link to[...]…

  26. topamax lawyer posted 04/24/2014

    Title…

    [...]please pay a visit to the sites we adhere to, including this a single, because it represents our picks through the web[...]…

  27. domain names posted 04/24/2014

    Title…

    [...]check beneath, are some entirely unrelated web sites to ours, nonetheless, they are most trustworthy sources that we use[...]…

  28. Title…

    [...]Every as soon as inside a although we pick out blogs that we study. Listed beneath would be the newest websites that we decide on [...]…

  29. mobile phone recycling sites posted 04/26/2014

    Title…

    [...]just beneath, are several absolutely not connected web sites to ours, nevertheless, they’re certainly worth going over[...]…

  30. internet marketing posted 04/26/2014

    Title…

    [...]below you will discover the link to some internet sites that we think you must visit[...]…

  31. most effective diet pills posted 04/27/2014

    Title…

    [...]always a major fan of linking to bloggers that I enjoy but don’t get quite a bit of link like from[...]…

  32. check here posted 04/29/2014

    Title…

    [...]below you will discover the link to some web pages that we assume you ought to visit[...]…

  33. Breast Cancer treatments posted 04/29/2014

    Title…

    [...]Here is a great Weblog You may Find Interesting that we Encourage You[...]…

  34. nationwide car insurance quote posted 05/01/2014

    Title…

    [...]just beneath, are many totally not related web sites to ours, however, they are certainly worth going over[...]…

  35. last longer naturally men posted 05/02/2014

    cvlast wallacea…

    sourceid miyet pramonego worldmoney splatsearch unraveling dellorganico….

  36. legal advice posted 05/04/2014

    legal advice…

    [...]one of our visitors recently suggested the following website[...]…

  37. abaya online uk posted 05/06/2014

    abaya online uk…

    [...]the time to study or check out the content material or internet sites we have linked to below the[...]…

  38. agence seo posted 05/08/2014

    Title…

    [...]very couple of web-sites that occur to become comprehensive below, from our point of view are undoubtedly well really worth checking out[...]…

  39. trabajo en mexico posted 05/08/2014

    trabajo en mexico…

    [...]check below, are some absolutely unrelated internet websites to ours, on the other hand, they may be most trustworthy sources that we use[...]…

  40. escort girls wanted doha posted 05/10/2014

    escort girls wanted doha…

    [...]here are some links to web-sites that we link to simply because we think they are really worth visiting[...]…

  41. GULLIBLE FOOL posted 05/13/2014

    GULLIBLE FOOL…

  42. Plexus posted 05/15/2014

    Plexus…

  43. saigon flower posted 05/23/2014

    saigon flower…

    [...]please go to the web sites we adhere to, such as this a single, as it represents our picks in the web[...]…

  44. dingwizard.org posted 05/29/2014

    dingwizard.org…

    [...]please go to the websites we comply with, which includes this a single, because it represents our picks from the web[...]…

  45. carbunkle truckwhite posted 05/29/2014

    Healing’s Dragon…

    to find issues to further improve my website!I suppose its ok to help make utilization of a handful of within your concepts!!…

  46. Micro cap posted 06/10/2014

    Micro cap…

    [...]here are some hyperlinks to sites that we link to for the reason that we think they are really worth visiting[...]…

  47. sam waltonman posted 06/11/2014

    Healing’s Dragon…

    to discover matters to further improve my site!I suppose its okay to help make use of a handful of of the concepts!!…

  48. flughafen parking zürich posted 06/12/2014

    flughafen parking zürich…

Post a New Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

c