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Microsoft Weirdly Announces Bra That Helps With Stress Eating

Do you find yourself overeating due to the daily stressors of modern life? Are you obsessed with the latest and greatest developments in technology? Are you a woman and don’t mind being pandered to? Microsoft’s new “smartbra” is for you.

Microsoft has announced they are creating a bra that is outfitted with physiological sensors that monitor subtle changes in heart rate that tend to be associated with negative emotional states. The results? The bra will let you know when you are eating not out of a need for sustenance, but because you are anxious, depressed or bored. Being as how it’s being made by Bill Gates and company, one can only hope it comes with a free Weezer video or an anthropomorphic paperclip dude.

But wait a minute. Guys stress eat too! Isn’t there a way to throw some of these snazzy microchips into their underwear? Apparantly not. According to the designers, underwear is simply too far from the heart to be of use in this scenario. Oh well. Let’s order fourteen pizzas.

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