5) SMARTIES. These tiny discs of concentrated sugar contain enough tartness to serve as a perfect palate cleanser between your milk-chocolate-and-caramel courses.
4) BUTTERFINGER. Whatever the substance in this bar is that bonds like Gorilla Glue to your teeth makes this hearty treat last way, way longer than any other chocolate bar. You are done with it before it’s done with you. ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE: Clark Bar.
3) MILKY WAY MIDNIGHT. The candy bar that brought grown-up elegance to Hallowe’en. The hint of dark chocolate sophistication practically forces you to extend your pinky whilst gorging.
2) CANDY CORN. Not because it’s good. Because it’s not. What is this, the Great Depression? Why are we eating this brightly colored Appalachian wax? I’ll tell you why: because if you knew no pain, you’d never know joy. You eat candy corn because it’s there, and you can’t stop yourself. It’s still, thanks in large part to its name, TECHNICALLY candy. But when you eat some of the top-shelf stuff after a handful of these sad shapes, you appreciate the effort made by huge, faceless corporations.
1) REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. For my money, the undisputed King of All Hallow’s Eve. Not the two-disc sleeve, not the miniatures in gold foil (the sweet-to-savory ratio is WAY off on those), I speak of the individual cups. And the packaging is ORANGE. Intelligent design? A case could be made!
PAUL F. TOMPKINS new comedy album LABORING UNDER DELUSIONS: LIVE IN BROOKLYN is now available on ASPECIALTHING RECORDS. Recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn and over 90 minutes in length, Tompkins’ powerhouse set includes a looser, expanded version of the outstanding material showcased by Tompkins in his Comedy Central special “Laboring Under Delusions.”
Get the album
on AST: http://astrecords.bigcartel.com/product/laboring-under-delusions-live-in-brooklyn
And on iTunes: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=569217481
More Paul F. Tompkins:
Joining the history books along with Free Cone Day and whatever it is Taco Bell called the day they gave away those Doritos tacos, Chipotle will be selling pretty much everything on their menu for just $2 to anyone in costume on Halloween. They are calling it, of course, Boo-rito Day.
In previous years, the chain required patrons to dress as a burrito (see above) to get free stuff, but we’re not convinced dressing as one as you eat one won’t cause a space/time paradox. On top of the cheap grub, Chipotle will be donating all of the proceeds of the event to charity, so you can feel good as you stuff your face so much that you feel bad.
Alternatively, you can stay at home in your pajamas and cook some awesome Halloween grub for cheap, too.
This time of year all of the apple bins at the grocery store are framed with rows of gooey caramel apples, studded with nuts, candies and chocolate. I can’t blame my kids for being drawn in; they are irresistible. But, when you bite into them they are always just a touch disappointing. The apples are usually soft and the caramel is cloyingly sweet and tastes like it was from the previous generation.
I convinced my boys to walk by without taking one, but only after promising to make them some at home. We picked a bunch of fresh, crisp, juicy, tart apples. The caramel is easy to make and is rich, creamy, gooey and not over-the-top sweet. For a bit of contrast to the sweet caramel, you can dip the bottom in salted peanuts
Continue Reading How to Make Caramel Apples
It was a dark and stormy night, and you could swear you heard sounds coming from your kitchen. Was it the ghost of dinners past, a zombie gnawing on your leftovers or — gasp! — a horrible DIY costume from last year that just won’t die?! Look, Halloween is just about the only time you’re “allowed” to pass off a bed sheet for an outfit, but that doesn’t mean you have to.
Sure, costumes are fun, but if you’re going to have a sophisticated celebration this year, take some cues from Nadia G’s Halloween Special attire, then break out that badass Iron Man suit when the sun goes down.
Continue Reading Rock This Look: Nadia’s Halloween Special
Let’s talk Halloween decor. People spend a fortune on this stuff. Why? It’s so easy and cheap to turn your place into a nightmarish crypt. Nadia G.’s simple theatrical blood is pure Dexter. Just schvitz some on a table cloth or old sheet. It doesn’t get much creepier than that.
Continue Reading Get Nadia G.’s Edible Blood Recipe
Vincent Price and Diana Rigg in Theatre of Blood. What’s for dinner?
Judging by the aroma of pumpkin spice latte wafting from every chain coffee shop, Halloween is nearly here. It’s a time for parents to teach little ones about the joy of sugar binging, for adults to play dress-up, and — if you’re anything like me — for horror movie marathons. As a service to Devour readers, I humbly offer this selection of scary films perfect for food fans who can stomach a little (or a lot) of gore. Grab a bucket of popcorn (or a batch of Salted Caramel Popcorn Balls
) and turn down the lights, if you dare.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Hannibal (2001) and Red Dragon (2002)
There have been scores of on-screen cannibals over the years, from the jungles of Borneo to the badlands of Texas. But no character better embodies the twin evils of food snobbery and flesh eating as well as Hannibal Lecter, most famously portrayed by Anthony Hopkins in this trio of films.
How Scary Is It? Pretty scary. These are more psychological thrillers than outright gore-fests — with the exception of that scene late in the second film where Hopkins helps Ray Liotta’s character develop a taste for offal.
Continue Reading 8 Fright Films for Food Fans
Start your Halloween weekend with Alie and Georgia’s post-apocalyptic boozy punch that will “liven”-up your cocktail hour for the undead. This sinfully sweet elixir is a real no-brainer: just squeeze the fleshy, pulpy insides of a blood orange and mix with orange-scented triple sec, fizzy black cherry soda, fragrant bitters and a generous amount of vodka. Rim the punch glasses with dripping red grenadine and you’ve got yourself a terrifying brew that will make mortals run (ahem, good luck).
Boo-ttoms up, folks.
Continue Reading Thirsty Thursday: Zombie Gut Punch Cocktail
There are so many reasons to love October. To name a few: the crisp fall air, the beautiful changing leaves, amazing seasonal recipes, Halloween, and for a certain subset of the population, the return of The Walking Dead. Last Sunday kicked off season 3 of the cult-hit drama, which brings to life (or, er… unlife?) the same-named graphic novel about a post-apocalyptic, zombie-ridden world. (Warning: Spoilers ahead if you haven’t watched the premiere yet.)
Continue Reading Take a Bite Out of The Walking Dead, Zombie-Style
Don’t deny it: You get as excited as we do when promos for Hocus Pocus start popping up all over the airwaves.
Not only is Hocus Pocus the best Halloween movie of all time (comment below if you agree or disagree), but it also gave us this Halloween party gem: A spell-binding performance from (soon to star on Glee) Bette Midler.
“Thank you, Max, for the maaaarvelous introduction.”
Call your friends, light the black-flame candle, and drink the witch’s brew: We’ve got the best Hocus Pocus Halloween Party menu to knock your friends off of their broomsticks.
Continue Reading Hocus Pocus Halloween Party Menu
Halloween Cookies and Cream Ice Cream by Amy Bites
5 Hot Links We’re Loving:
- Who says ice cream is only for the summer? Amy Bites’ cookies and cream ice cream with Halloween Oreos is both festive and tasty. Plus, ice cream is always a good idea.
- Speaking of Oreos, this frozen hot chocolate recipe by Lauren’s Latest is the real-deal. The name may seem contradictory, but it will make absolute sense once you try it.
- Pumpkin pie spice is in high demand during autumn. Sweet Remedy shows you how make your own, using ingredients already in your pantry.
- Jazz up your favorite pancake batter to make Everyday Southwest’s recipe for pumpkin pancakes with cajeta de leche.
- Pizza Sleeping Bag: Use or Lose? Buzzfeed rounded up “14 Groundbreaking Pizza Inventions.”