Ever wonder who writes the “fortunes” you find inside the fortune cookies you get at the end of a Chinese takeout meal? I put “fortunes” in quotes because a lot of the time they aren’t really fortunes that predict the future, but merely presumptuous statements about your life — or just really obscure proverbs from legendary Chinese wise man Confucius. Usually on the back there’s a vocabulary word so you can learn Chinese in piecemeal — not that you ever remember the word anyway — followed by some lucky numbers — not that Confucius was alive to even know how big a Mega Millions lottery can get. If he had known, he might have kept those numbers to himself.
But never mind about that ancient Chinese guy. Now there’s iLL Fortune Cookies, a new type of post-Chinese food treat, because “we live in the ‘real’ world” — as stated on the box (which, of course, looks like a big Chinese takeout container). Created by the iLLFortune company based in the California Bay Area, these “fortune cookies for the brave” look and taste like ordinary fortune cookies, but inside are snarky and sarcastic sayings designed to prank your friends — or your enemies. Like ordinary fortune cookies, they don’t always predict the future, but rather state an assumption about your life — in an intentionally insulting way.
Some iLL Fortunes I’ve opened up include: